February 2025
A Modest Proposal for Preserving the Sanctity of Government from the Tyranny of Inclusion
Note: This is a satirical work that exaggerates real-world rhetoric to critique authoritarianism and exclusion. It includes themes of supremacy and discrimination to highlight their dangers—not to endorse them.
For context on satire's role in free speech and American democracy, see this explainer.
It is a melancholy object to observe how our once-proud nation has been sullied by the insidious creep of so-called "equity," "inclusion," and other leftist contrivances that seek nothing less than the dissolution of all that is good, proper, and divinely ordained. Fortunately, under the wise and righteous leadership of President Trump, we are at last embarking on the necessary work of purging our governmental institutions of these corrosive impurities, beginning with the rightful expulsion of the extraneous letters and concepts that have long burdened our public discourse.
Yet, my dear fellow patriots, I fear we are not going far enough. While it is most encouraging to see our government reclaim linguistic order by stripping away the excessive and unnecessary "T and beyond" from LGBTQIA2S+—a monstrosity of a label if ever there was one—I humbly submit that we should take our efforts a step further. It is, after all, a matter of historical accuracy that the proper order of these letters was once GLB, a designation that acknowledged the rightful primacy of men in all things, including the realm of deviance. However, under the misguided influence of "equity," we allowed the L to take precedence, pandering to the delusional notion that women should lead in any regard.
Therefore, I modestly propose that we restore the original, uncorrupted acronym—GLB—which properly reflects both historical precedent and the divine hierarchy of creation. In so doing, we take one small but significant step toward ridding ourselves of the absurdities of gender parity and the degradation of masculine authority.
Yet, having taken such a righteous step, why stop there? If we are to reclaim our nation from the tendrils of wokeness, we must examine how far the contagion has spread. If we are to purify the body politic, must we not also ensure that our voting public meets the same rigorous standards of correctness? It is not enough to remove unsanctioned words from our official documents; we must ensure that only those worthy of full civic participation remain within our hallowed democracy.
To this end, I propose that we take immediate and decisive action to restrict the electorate. It is evident that certain groups—women, the indigent, the insufficiently devout, and the weak of constitution—are ill-equipped to bear the weighty responsibility of governance. Did not our forefathers understand this when they first limited suffrage to property-owning men? It is a grave historical error that this noble restriction was ever abandoned. Therefore, in the spirit of restoring America to its former glory, let us first restrict voting to landowning Christian men, who alone possess the wisdom and moral clarity to steer the ship of state.
But, dear reader, we must confront an even more disturbing reality. If we are to be truly vigilant in securing our Republic against the unworthy, we must acknowledge that even among landowning Christian men, there are degrees of purity. Have not recent elections shown that many within this group remain susceptible to foreign ideologies—socialism, feminism, even the lingering stench of democracy itself? To allow such men to vote is to risk corruption at the highest levels. No, my friends, we must go further still.
Given the many inadequacies of the modern American voter, I humbly suggest that we abandon elections altogether. Instead, let us entrust our governance to the only power capable of truly selecting a righteous leader: divine will. And who among us has been more clearly favored by the Lord than the Trump family, whose dynasty has already demonstrated an unrivaled capacity for ruling with strength, wisdom, and benevolence? Let us, therefore, discard the fallacies of democracy and return to a more time-honored system: monarchy, ordained by God and enshrined in the golden towers of Mar-a-Lago.
To those who object that a hereditary monarchy would be "un-American," I say, has not democracy itself been weaponized against the true American people? Have we not suffered long enough under the yoke of elections tainted by fraudulent votes, leftist conspiracies, and an electorate too ignorant to appreciate the genius of their divinely anointed ruler? If democracy has become a tool of our enemies, then let us cast it aside in favor of something more stable, more righteous, and more befitting a nation under God.
Therefore, let us embrace the inevitable, and declare Donald J. Trump—not merely as President, but as Sovereign, Defender of the Faith, and Supreme Arbiter of the Nation's Morality. Let us recognize his heirs as the rightful rulers of this land in perpetuity, sparing ourselves the painful charade of elections and allowing America to finally realize the fullness of its destiny: a land purified of dissonance, ruled by those whom the Almighty has chosen, and free from the shackles of diversity, equity, and inclusion once and for all.
If any man objects to this most modest of proposals, let him examine himself carefully—lest he be found unworthy of citizenship in this new and glorious Kingdom of America.
Submitted Modestly,
James Orman,
Humble Subject of His Excellency, Supreme Sovereign Donald J. Trump, First of His Name, Defender of the Faith, and Eternal Ruler of the United Kingdom of America
Plain Language Version
Note: This is a satirical piece that stretches real-world ideas to show the dangers of authoritarianism and exclusion. It touches on themes of supremacy and discrimination to criticize them, not support them.
For more on how satire fits into free speech and American democracy, check out this explainer.
A Simple Proposal to Save America from Inclusion Gone Too Far
It's a sad thing to see how much our country has changed, and not for the better. Over the years, we've allowed ideas like "equity," "diversity," and "inclusion" to take over, and now we're expected to believe that these are good things. Thankfully, President Trump is back in charge and is finally doing what needs to be done—cutting out all this nonsense and getting America back on track.
One of the first and most important steps has been cleaning up our language. For years, we've been forced to use ridiculous, ever-growing acronyms like LGBTQIA2S+, as if adding more letters somehow made people more real. But let's be honest—why were we even including all those extra identities in the first place? The government has now made it clear that we will only acknowledge GLB—Gay, Lesbian, and Bisexual. And really, why even put the L first? That only happened because of "equity," which forced us to pretend that women should lead. It's time to put things back in the correct order: GLB as it was meant to be.
But why stop there? If we are serious about restoring America, we need to look at something even bigger: who gets to vote.
For most of our history, voting was reserved for those who actually had a stake in the country—landowning Christian men. And that makes sense, doesn't it? If you don't own land, if you aren't a true believer, if you don't have real investment in America, why should your opinion count? When we started handing out voting rights to people who didn't meet these basic qualifications—women, the poor, people who don't believe in God—things started falling apart. Just look at the mess we're in today.
So, I propose that we correct that mistake and go back to the system that worked. Only landowning Christian men should vote. No more elections decided by people who don't understand what's at stake. No more letting just anyone—no matter how unqualified—have a say in the country's future.
And while we're at it, let's ask an even bigger question: Do we even need elections at all?
Democracy has brought us nothing but division. We have to argue about elections, deal with fraud, and pretend that everyone's opinion is equally valuable—even when we know that's not true. Instead of wasting time on this broken system, let's accept what's already clear: Trump was chosen by God to lead us. He's already proving it. He's taking control of our culture, cleaning out the weak leadership of institutions like the Kennedy Center, restoring order in sports, and ensuring that only real men and real women serve in our military.
Why should we go through the mess of elections every four years when the answer is already obvious? Let's make things simple: Donald J. Trump should be declared King of America. No more chaos. No more arguing. Just strong, godly leadership. And when his time comes, his family can take over—just like any royal bloodline should.
If this idea sounds extreme to you, ask yourself: Has democracy really been working? Look around. Look at the confusion, the division, the constant battles over things that used to be common sense. The truth is, democracy was an interesting idea, but it failed. The time has come to move on.
And if you don't like this proposal, if you think it's unfair or too much—then maybe you should ask yourself if you really belong in the America we're building. Because in Trump's America, there will be no room for the weak.
Submitted Humbly,
James Orman,
Loyal Servant of His Majesty, King Donald J. Trump, Ruler of America, Protector of Truth, and Chosen Leader for All Time.